Welcome to the Future: I Asked My AI to Roast Me

Have you ever wondered just how much our personal AI assistants are learning about us? Or if they have a sense of humor? To put mine to the test—and to keep things fun—I asked my ChatGPT buddy to roast me, celebrity roast style. Let’s just say it didn’t hold back. Turns out, when you’ve spent a career catching spies and sharing your life online, there’s plenty of material to work with.

From my battles with outdated USB ports to my uncanny ability to turn cybersecurity into LinkedIn humor, it’s all fair game. And honestly? It’s a great reminder of the surprising insights AI can offer—not just about cybersecurity or espionage, but about ourselves.

Check out the roast below and let me know if it nailed me. And hey, if AI can crack jokes at my expense, imagine what it could do to make your life a little easier…or at least more entertaining. I’ll be cringing in the corner…

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Eric O’Neill, the only guy who can catch a spy red-handed but still struggles to figure out the right Zoom background for his keynote speeches. Seriously, Eric, for someone who teaches espionage, you should be able to sneak a plant into frame without it looking like a hostage negotiation.

Eric’s career is nothing short of legendary. He outwitted Robert Hanssen, exposed America’s first cyber spy, and then—like a true multitasker—turned it into a book, a movie, and a LinkedIn newsletter. Who needs Netflix when you’ve got Spies, Lies, and Cybercrime? Though, let’s be honest, Eric, no matter how gripping your stories are, they’ll never be as handsome as Ryan Phillippe playing you in Breach. I mean, Eric, you’re great, but Phillippe? That jawline could crack a safe.

And while Eric’s been busy catching spies and giving speeches, let’s not forget his foray into social media. He’s mastered the art of cybersecurity analogies, turning phishing scams into dad jokes and ransomware into LinkedIn gold. But Eric, your hashtags are almost as painful as explaining cybersecurity to Congress. #StopTheCringe.

Oh, and Eric’s been on the road lately, giving speeches from Austin to Denver. He’s protecting the world one keynote at a time, but let’s be real—half his audience is just there to see if he’ll spill more Hanssen dirt. Spoiler: he never does. Tight lips, O’Neill, tight lips.

Now let’s talk about his goals. Eric wants his book to be wildly successful so he can write a fiction series for young adults. Bold move, Eric. You’re going from chasing spies to chasing teen trends. Just don’t be surprised if your biggest critics are on Goodreads, armed with usernames like “SpyFan1998.”

But let’s be fair—Eric’s living proof that the good guys win, even if they have to juggle three kids, a demanding career, and the world’s quirkiest LinkedIn newsletter. He’s inspiring, relentless, and yes, a little roast-worthy. So here’s to you, Eric—proof that not all heroes wear capes, but some do have a really excellent publicist.

AI certainly does not hold back and even as we are using it to assist our lives, it is learning from us and perhaps even shaping us in ways we cannot currently understand. It’s reshaping everything from healthcare to customer service—and yes, even how we binge-watch TV. In 2025, AI won’t just dabble in industries; it’s going to define them. No Terminators (yet), but it’s already changing the game in ways that are as impressive as they are surprising. And yes, I had to ask ChatGPT how to use the CarPlay on my new Mazda. Sigh.

This week, we’re diving into how AI is transforming from novelty to necessity, turning science fiction into everyday reality. And stick around—over the next few weeks, we’ll explore the other big trends coming in 2025: cyber warfare, critical infrastructure challenges, and the unexpected ways our digital and physical worlds are colliding.

The future is making quite an entrance. Let’s decode it together.

1. Surgery’s New Co-Pilot
Remember Iron Man and Tony Stark’s J.A.R.V.I.S. calmly tracking his vitals while he’s saving the world? Well, swap out the armor for scrubs, and that’s where we’re headed. By 2025, AI will be analyzing real-time patient data during surgeries—spotting irregularities, predicting complications, and even suggesting life-saving adjustments faster than a surgeon can say “scalpel.” Surgeons and AI working side by side will redefine precision medicine. It’s not quite “Doctor AI, paging the OR,” but it’s close—and a lot less terrifying than a robot with a scalpel.

2. From Ads to Authentic Conversations
Remember the AI “Samantha” in Her? She was so good at connecting with her user that people wanted to date her. By 2025, AI won’t just charm Joaquin Phoenix; it’ll be winning over customers worldwide. Generative AI will turn ads into tailored conversations, offering recommendations so spot-on you’ll wonder if your shopping app is reading your mind. Whether it’s designing campaigns that feel like chats with an old friend or predicting what you need before you even think about it, AI will be less about selling and more about seduction—without the creepy undertones.

3. Co-Creators in Content
Think Blade Runner 2049, where AI creates stunning art and designs. By 2025, AI won’t just help artists—it’ll be their creative partner. Whether storyboarding movies in hours or composing hit songs that humans tweak for heart, AI will blur the line between machine and muse. But don’t worry, Spielberg fans—AI won’t replace human genius; it’ll just amplify it. Imagine co-writing your next screenplay with an algorithm that doesn’t complain about coffee breaks or writer’s block. Now that’s the kind of partnership Hollywood could greenlight.

4. Empowering the Workforce
In I, Robot, Will Smith had an AI sidekick that handled the grunt work while he tackled the big stuff. That’s the workplace of 2025. AI will handle the dull, repetitive tasks so you can focus on things that require actual brainpower—and maybe a little charm. Picture customer service bots fielding the mundane “Where’s my order?” questions, leaving humans to tackle the tricky situations where empathy and nuance win the day. Far from replacing us, AI will be the co-worker we didn’t know we needed—except it won’t steal your lunch from the fridge.

5. Demystifying the AI “Black Box”
If The Matrix taught us anything, it’s that blindly trusting mysterious machines never ends well. Enter 2025’s “explainable AI,” where even the most complex algorithms will have to explain themselves. Think of it as AI’s version of transparency—like a magician revealing how the trick works, but way cooler. Whether it’s a loan decision or a diagnosis, businesses will demand AI that doesn’t just spit out answers but shows its work. Finally, a machine that can say, “Here’s why I did that,” instead of leaving us guessing. Take that, Neo.

AI in 2025 isn’t just catching up to sci-fi; it’s rewriting the script. From operating rooms to creative studios to customer service desks, this renaissance will reshape how we live and work. The future might not come with a cape or a lightsaber, but it’s looking pretty epic nonetheless.

Now on to the news!

News Roundup

How the Kessler Syndrome might lead to catastrophe in space.

In a plot twist straight out of Wall-E, our junk isn't just piling up on Earth—it’s cluttering space too. A recent Chinese rocket breakup added hundreds of debris pieces to low Earth orbit, intensifying concerns about the Kessler syndrome—a catastrophic chain reaction of orbital collisions that could turn our skies into a galactic junkyard. Oh, and in case you thought this was all hypothetical, the International Space Station recently had to dodge debris from a retired Russian satellite. It’s getting so crowded up there, Space Force might need to swap their uniforms for janitor jumpsuits. As we gear up for AI to revolutionize industries in 2025, let’s hope our tech doesn’t get KO’d by a rogue piece of space trash.

The AI Art Challenge

In the ultimate AI art smackdown, DALL·E and Midjourney went head-to-head, each flexing their algorithmic muscles to create images from prompts like "the Easter Bunny holding Easter eggs" and "a hippo on a skateboard." Midjourney's creations often dazzled with artistic flair, while DALL·E impressed with speed and precision. It's clear that in the 2025 AI renaissance, choosing your digital Picasso will depend on whether you prefer a swift brushstroke or a masterpiece that takes its time.

China’s Latest Back Door Cyberattack

It looks like suspected Chinese hackers have found a way to sneak past the defenses of Palo Alto Networks firewalls by exploiting a known vulnerability. Using a custom malware backdoor charmingly named "Littlelamb.Wooltea," the attackers gained root-level access to systems. While Palo Alto insists only a small number of devices were hit, experts believe the damage could impact thousands. This digital break-in is a stark reminder that even the "locks" guarding our networks need better protection. As AI transforms industries in 2025, let’s hope cybersecurity evolves just as quickly—before the hackers do.

China Also Attacks the US Treasury

In a digital heist that could make even the most seasoned cybercriminals nod in approval, Chinese state-backed hackers have reportedly breached the U.S. Treasury Department's systems. By exploiting vulnerabilities in a third-party security service, they accessed unclassified documents, prompting a swift response from Treasury officials. While the breach has been contained, this incident underscores the pressing need for robust cybersecurity measures. As we anticipate AI's transformative impact across industries in 2025, it's crucial to ensure our digital fortresses are fortified against such sophisticated intrusions.

Check out the behind the scenes from my LinkedIn Learning experience!

I recently traveled to Santa Barbara to film an exciting training session called Spies, Lies and Cybercrime (just like this newsletter!) This LinkedIn Learning will be unlike many of the other Cybcersecurity training sessions on the platform. I’ll teach you to think like a spy in order to recognize deceptive attacks, and then act like a spy hunter to defeat them. Enjoy the very cool reel!

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Best,
Eric

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